big boys don't cry...

i am one proud mom today. our little munchkin, except for his first haircut, has been terrified and screamed and cried bloody murder every time we have taken him to get his haircut. every.single.time. and i take him to Cookie Cutters! the most kid/baby friendly hair salon on the planet. i think he would cry the hardest when they would use the clippers around his ears. poor thing.

that is why i have been dreading today's appointment, so much so, that in our family prayers this morning i specifically asked that Dylie wouldn't be scared and that he would be a happy baby during his haircut. well, today's haircut appointment was proof (not that i need any) that prayers are answered! he didn't cry once! he got a tad bit afraid the first 5 seconds of the clippers clipping his hair, then he must have decided there was nothing to be afraid of because he all of a sudden stopped whining and just sat there and watched Cars. it was a miracle! i was one proud mom! seriously, i was expecting the worst, i even warned the stylist before she started that she should brace herself for the worst haircut she's ever given. i was SO happy i was wrong!

here's a collage of the process. i can't believe how long his hair was. she literally got a full inch off the sides and back. sorry little man. now that i know you won't be terrified, expect regular haircuts from now on. and i just love how happy he was with that balloon. seriously, that was better than any treat or trophy he could've gotten for being so brave. Dylan, you are awesome! i am super proud of you!

on a completely unrelated note (well not entirely, it has to do with hair), i just watched this last night for the first time. i was laughing an entire 5 minutes straight with tears streaming down my face. watch it. then watch it again, and again and again. i swear it will take you from a horrible mood into being purely happy simply for the reason that this didn't happen to you.

whip cream is a wonderful thing...

i am SO over winter. seriously. i think i am starting to go just a tad crazy being inside all.the.flipping.time. when the H is Spring going to come? Punksatony Phil, or whatever that beaver's name is, didn't his shadow say Spring was just around the corner? doesn't that mean NOW? ugh! little Dylie and i have just about had it. and that is why, yesterday, after weeks and weeks being extremely bored with trying to do nice, clean games with Dylan, i decided it was time for a different approach of fun activities inside. i whipped out some whipping cream, add a few drops of food coloring, and let him have at it. it was the most fun we've had together for weeks i tell ya. even me, and i wasn't even doing anything but snapping photos. that should tell you we are desperate for some outdoor fun.

Sugar Photo Co. is having a giveaway!

oh what a sight to see...

Thursday nights are a special treat here at the Hancock household. it's the first day of the week since Sunday that daddy and baby are reunited. And the first night of the work-week that the hubster is home before 9pm. we look forward to this evening every.single.week. i just wish time would freeze on night's like tonight...knowing that Brett is home for 3 days (doing homework those full days, but hey, we will take what we can get of him) and knowing that i get 3 solid days of not feeling like a single mother, and Dylan gets 3 days and nights of being chased and tickled until he drops from exhaustion. not to mention The Vampire Diaries is on Thursday nights. and we get to cuddle on the couch and watch it. together. and i used to take those times for granted. no more!
yep, Thursday nights are pretty amazing around here.

seventeen...

17 years. that's how long it's been since my dad passed away. 17 years ago today. January 15th. this day is forever tainted, dreaded, and makes January more miserable than it already is. but, it used to be a lot more miserable than it has become. the first, i would say 15 years, every time this day would roll around my heart would break all over again, i couldn't function normally, i was constantly reminded that he was gone, that i didn't get the chance to know him very well, and that he was missing out on my life. and i was missing out on what could've been if he was still here.

now, ever since my mom opened her grief center (2 years ago today), The Bradley Center (named after my dad), it isn't so rough. it's not as gloomy as it once was. today i woke up and it wasn't my first thought. i was actually up and going when i remembered that today was the day. i didn't cry. i didn't go into a depressed slump. i thought about the good times my dad had here, i thought about his laugh. i thought about how he used to tuck us in every night and give us 'noogies' (he would rub our heads until we were laughing hysterically then it was lights out). i thought about all the happy times.

 i thought about how i've grown to not really dread this day so much anymore. it's never fun, by any means. it's still January 15th. it's still the day my dad died in a plane crash and still the day we learned we lost a dad and a husband. but it's also a big reminder that i need to live my life in such a way that i can see him again. that i can hear his laugh again and that i can introduce him to my husband and my sweet little boy, who i already know knows his grandpa so much more than i realize.

so, since this day isn't as difficult as it once was, my mom and i wanted to spend time together and remember him and have fun. so we decided to meet at Costco, because she had to work a half day, because we were going to get him some flowers because we wanted to go visit his grave. well once we got in there and started looking at the flowers, my mom made a good point that they were going to die like 15 minutes after we took them there. so we thought about what to take, and the thought came that we should take oranges and peanuts. i know that sounds bizarre, but that was one of his favorite snacks. oranges and peanuts. i can't see either without thinking of him and think about how we used to peel oranges and crack open peanuts while we watched conference or watched a movie on a Saturday night with curlers in our hair. i told my mom, and she got the biggest smile on her face and agreed. so that's what we did.

it took a bit of digging to finally find his grave. then, once it was all cleaned off and once there was room to put his favorite treat, we stood there, for as long as we could in 10 degree weather and just sat in silence. thinking about him. wishing he was here. but grateful to know he is in a better place and to know he is watching over us.

then we went back to my mom's and hung out for a couple hours while she finished up some work she had to do. i walked around and looked at old pictures of my dad and played with Dylan. i showed him some pictures too, and every time he sees my dad's photo, he smiles. he always has, ever since he was born. he knows him. and it warms my heart so much.
then we went to dinner with my brother and sister-in-law to one of my dad's favorite restaurants. TGIFridays. we love that place. we used to love going there all the time when we were kids. it was nice to be with the family that was here (we missed you Cami and Brandon and sweet Kaden) to celebrate Dad's life and celebrate his memory.

i am grateful for my experiences. i wouldn't choose them, but i am grateful for them. they are what's shaped me into the person i am today. i miss my dad. i will always miss him. if i think about it too long i do get emotional and sad. because it's not fair. it's not fair he missed out on us growing up, all of us graduating, getting married, us having kids, him being a grandpa. it's not fair. and it's okay for me to feel that way. but i am not bitter. because i can't change it. i know he is here in spirit, and i am learning to recognize when he is here with me. my mom says she can always feel him. for that i am most grateful. she needs him more than any of us do. i am glad she can feel him here on her journey back to him.
i love you daddy. i miss you terribly. i know that i will see you again. it seems so far away, but i know it's not, not in the big picture. and i don't know how, but somehow, all this time you have been away from us will be made up for. see you soon.

and that's what's new with us...

oh. my. goodness. i have had THE hardest time getting back into the swing of things around here. i don't remember ever having the holidays be so crazy that i couldn't jump right back into my regular routine after they were done. but alas, it happened this year. or should i say last year?

the holidays were so much fun. we spent tons and tons of time with both of our families, had a fun Christmas party at our house with our friends, and went away for 5 days with my family to my mom's cabin to ring in the new year. as fun as those 2 weeks of partying and craziness were, it was good to finally say hello to 2013, and come home and have a little bit to ourselves before Brett started work again, and started school. blah! he started a week ago up at the U, and his schedule is kinda miserable. Monday and Tuesdays, he leaves the house for work at 6:30am and doesn't get home until 10 on Monday, and 10:45 on Tuesday. can you say barf? poor guy. we have all had kind of a rough time adjusting to this new schedule, but luckily it's only a couple of days a week that he gets home so late. i am so proud of my man! what a guy.

i have really been slacking when it comes to getting back into the groove of my business. i don't have any sessions for a little bit, but getting myself to come back into my office and hide away for hours to edit hasn't sounded super appealing after not having to do it for a couple of weeks. but i am crawling back into the hole starting Wednesday. i have 2 weddings that are begging me to be edited. and be edited they shall. i can't wait to show those photo's off! the couples were amazingly gorgeous and fun. ah. can't wait. oh, and as a congratulations on my business getting so much business last year with so little advertising (thank you to all who referred and spread the word about me...seriously, you are sweethearts and i love you to the moon and back), i bought myself a new camera that will do wonderful things for my clients this year! can't wait to use it on all you beauties :)

Dylan is officially off bottles. can i get an amen?! seriously, i never thought the day would come. while we were at my mom's cabin over New Year's, he chewed the nipple off two of his bottles. and that was it. we started the process of no bottles then and there, and he didn't even mind. i have heard that your baby will let you know when they are ready to move on from a bottle, but with how attached Dylan was to those things, i never thought we would see the day until he started like 6th grade. but he didn't even seem to notice. it was so great. and it amazing not having to wash out bottles every other minute of my life.
but along with no more bottles, came him only napping once in the day now, instead of two. that is still an adjustment for me. it's so hard not having my 4 hours in the day to myself, and only having 2, if that. but, i am getting there. he is very fun to play with and is good to play by himself as well, so it's not too bad. i do find that we are getting sick of each other though. by the time Brett gets home from work (or school), both of us kind of take some time apart for a half hour or so. then we are both ready to play and cuddle with each other again.

i am also in the middle of a 21-day period of having to wear a heart monitor. long story short, my heart has been skipping beats at random times for quite a while, and i finally told the doctor about it a couple of months ago. so i am having to wear a heart monitor so they can see what's going on with it, and i had a ultra-sound on my heart before Christmas to see if they could find anything. no word on the results, but i am very positive about it. i'm not even worried about it really. it's more annoying than anything. i have to wear baggy shirts so you can't see the monitor and all the wires that go along with it. the only times i can take it off is when i am showering and when i'm working out (even though they want me to wear it while i workout, too bad for them. as appealing as it sounds to have a monitor bouncing all over the place while i am doing Zumba and hip hop, i'll pass). i'm only 5 days into wearing it (i got the stupid thing a week before Christmas, but being the procrastinator i am, i just started it) and i usually forget i'm wearing it. so it's not too bad. just 2 more weeks.

hmmm. am i forgetting anything? don't think so. Dylan and i get a special treat of hanging out with my mom tomorrow. if you know my mom, you know that's a huge deal. she never has time for play. she's all hard work and service, that woman. so what's the special occasion you ask? why would my mom be taking half the day off work to play with me, her favorite daughter and grandson? that's my next post. and you probably don't wanna miss it

and that's what's new with us :)

while Dylan sleeps...

when the little one is snuggled in bed with his Poohbear and his bottle dreaming of Mickey Mouse and Goldfish, it's time for his parents to partay! Brett bought this game before we met, and his family has had it for a while. we decided to bring it home a couple days ago since we were having a HUGE bash at our house with all Brett's friends and their wives since one of our good friends was here from out of town. it was a massive hit! we had about 20 people/kiddos here, and almost everyone participated in it. it was a blast! (sorry, no pics from the party, i was too busy having fun to worry about that:) we played until 2am Saturday night, and right when we woke up yesterday we played this for pretty much the entire day, and after we got home from a family Christmas party and put the babe down, we started right back up again. i'm better at the drums, he's better at the guitar. but, we swap every once in a while. we sing while we play, and it's so fun to jam out together! it's nice to let out our inner Rockstars sometimes :)

18 months...

can somebody please explain to me how this little boy is 18 months today? how? HOW? how is this possible?!?! if you couldn't tell, i am still in a slight state of shock about it. my little munchkin is transforming into a toddler right before my eyes. i still have a hard time saying that word...toddler. it sounds way too old. so to me, he is still baby Dylan. and probably will be until he is 14. sorry little man, i just am not ready to let you grow up yet.
since i haven't done an update in 6 months on this little dude, i figured i need to document what is new these days with this kiddo.
-he is, and has been walking, for a couple months. he is very into sprinting these days. that's his new thing, trying to run as fast as his brain wants too. we love watching him do this. his legs can't quite seem to keep up with his head. it's so cute. but before we know it, he will be full on running. yikes.

-he still loves baths. always has, always will. if we are ever bored at our house, we immediately turn on the tub and he is revvved to go. jumping all over me to get his clothes off as fast as humanly possible. then he jumps right in on his own. he is good at letting us know when he wants to get out too. he stands up, holds his arms out and grunts.

-he's mom and dad's little sidekick. while it's just us in the daytime, he will follow me wherever i go and want to be involved in whatever i'm doing. and when dad's home, he splits the time and whoever is doing something more exciting, he will go with that parent. i love having him come with me everywhere, it's so fun to have a little buddy who wants to be with you all the time.

-he's terrified of the vacuum and any loud noisy things. he automatically runs if he sees the vacuum  and if one of us is using it, he jumps into the others arms.

-still not talking quite yet. he says "mom" (and actually knows what this means, and i can't describe a better feeling than that) "dad" (he says this as part of his jabber, but if dad's in the room, he means him) and he will do monkey sounds (we taught him that last week and he loves it, it does the full "O with his mouth and everything, so cute!). and lots of baby jabber all.the.time. i'm totally okay with it. i love his baby jabber so so much. i am soaking up every little squeak while it lasts. he is going to be talking all the time soon and it will be gone and it won't come back. so jabber on little guy :)

-he's good at pointing to things he wants, like food or a drink. if you ask him where the light is, he points to it then claps for himself. he also knows where his bellybutton and nose are. we are working on eyes and hair. he should know those soon. he also points at mom and dad when asked where they are. and he has known what dogs are for quite a while.

-he's good at getting things you ask him too. if i ask where his ba-ba is, he automatically is on the hunt for it. same with his Pooh Bear and his sippy cup. he's also good to go get mom or dad if you ask him to find one of us.

-speaking of his ba-ba, he is still on the bottle. yep, judge all you want. but until you are in the situation you don't know how hard it is. we did a solid week of no bottle a couple of months ago, and that resulted in him having pretty much no wet diapers, and it scared me that he wasn't getting any fluid (he won't drink milk from a sippy, and barely drinks water from them, but of course loves juice in them). we are going to try again once he gets over this ear infection he has.

-he is still on a pretty good nap schedule (knock on wood). he still goes down around 10:30 and wakes up around 1. and then goes down again around 4:30 and sleep for an hour or 2.

-he is still in his crib. since i moved it away from the wall we haven't had another incident of him climbing out of it (again, knock on wood)

-he still loves the camera. when he sees us pull out or phones like we are going to take a photo or he sees my camera, it's all smiles.

-he loves looking at books, and is starting to love more and more us reading to him. he gets pretty impatient with us reading an entire story, so we basically point to and explain whats on the page and he is satisfied with that. but on his own, he will pull out all his books and look through them by himself for hours. he loves them.

-we don't watch Toy Story much anymore. shocking right? ha, we actually don't watch too much tv. we mostly just play and he's good to play by himself while i clean or do stuff around the house. he does like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and a few other shows in the morning. and he's good to watch a Disney and still loves Toy Story, but i don't want him in front of the tv all the time so i broke the habit and it's been great.

-he is very good about putting stuff back where he got it. not all the time, but if he spills his cup of goldfish, he will pick up each one and put it back in the container it belongs in. or if theres a bin of toys, and he takes them out, he will put them back in. it's so sweet.

-still loves to get in cupboards and drawers.

-loves playing hide and seek. and loves being chased or chasing you. and he loves to play with little kids now.

-he's very good at imitating you if you grunt or growl or laugh or cough or sing.

-still has a slight preference for mom over dad.

-will definitely let you know if he doesn't want you to hold him or will cling to me if he doesn't want me to pass him to someone else.

-is happy as can be when he wakes up in the morning. he will still sit and talk to himself in his crib for a good solid hour before he cries for me to come get him.

-will come up to me and cuddle with me out of nowhere. this is the best. it's only for a few minutes usually, but i'll be sitting on the couch or laying on the ground doing something and he will come and either put his head on my lap and just lay there and look at me or if i'm on the ground he'll come and lay across my stomach and just smile and look at me and nuzzle. oh! i die!

sorry for such a long list of Dylan's newbies. i just wanted to document what i can think of so we can look back and read it. it's so fun to go back and read his monthly updates, so i want to do it every once in a while still.
Dylan, you are the sweetest little boy. you are at such a fun stage where you are so interactive with everyone you come in contact with, and you are so social! we love you more than words can say, and you make us laugh all the time. you are so smart, and know so much, and you are constantly soaking up little things we say and do and learn to do them. we love watching you grow every day, and love your happy little personality. you are amazing! we love you Dylie.
xo, mom & dad

i love you...

i am cherishing and loving this little man a little more today and every day. i love you Dylan. always know that. your momma loves you. and you are the best thing that has ever happened to her. and i am going to hold you a little tighter from now on, and not take your kisses, your smiles, your laugh, your sweet baby chatter for granted. you are beautiful and wonderful and perfect to me. you bring more joy to my life than i ever knew was possible.

i love you.

the luckiest...

have you ever heard the Ben Folds song The Luckiest? that song, every time i hear it, not only does it make me reflect on what an amazing blessing it is to have this man for my own, but it makes me tear up thinking about how i truly am the luckiest. the luckiest girl to have met such an incredible human being, the luckiest for getting through the ups and downs we had before we got married, the luckiest for following my heart and my feelings despite so many obstacles we faced, and making the best decision i ever made when i said i would be his for eternity. the luckiest to have him change me in ways that have made me such a better person, the luckiest for falling in love a million times harder for this boy after seeing him become a father. the luckiest to find my better half, and to have him forever.

i am the luckiest.