posts like this help me when I'm having hard mom-days. you know those days where everything is going wrong, you feel like a complete failure as a parent and you look up at God and whisper for the millionth time in that same day "i am a terrible mom." those days, thankfully for me, are getting rarer and rarer the older Dylan gets, because the older he gets, the more independent he gets, and that, in turn, gives me less opportunities to screw up throughout the day. but, those days happen. they happen to all of us. and when the good days come, i feel like i appreciate them so much more because of all the screw-ups, mess-ups and blow-ups my little guy has had to endure one time or another. i cannot express the guilt i feel on a constant basis and thinking "how did i get such an amazing kid? i don't deserve this little ball of unconditional love with a set of lips that spouts never-ending kisses and a mouth that constantly states "HI MOMMA!" and "I LOVE YOU MOMMA!" and has hands that constantly reach for mine whether we are in the car or on the couch."
i have been thinking about writing this post for a couple of weeks now, and it always occurs to me to write it after we put Dylan down for bed and we have done our sweet bedtime routine of brushing "teefies," reading a story and Dylan saying our family prayers (we say them and he repeats what we say. cutest.thing.ever) then hugs and kisses and some tickles, then putting him to sleep and as we walk out we say "goodnight" "love you" "see ya later" over and over as we walk out slowly and turn the lights out. he says each phrase back to us as we walk out. we have done this as long as i can remember (well, as long as he could say the words) and i fall in love with him all over again every night as i hear him say those phrases back to us. my heart literally melts. maybe it has to do with the fact of knowing we have 3-4 hours of free-time to do whatever we want before bed. or maybe it has to do with knowing he doesn't fight bedtime so it makes it much easier. whatever it is, each night as we walk back downstairs to continue our night while he lays in bed and drifts off to sleep, we, without fail, talk about what an amazing kid we have, and how we can't get enough of him and how we can't imagine life without him. every. single. night. that conversation happens. it's a renewal of love for our little man, who knows how to both drive us absolutely bonkers and make us melt in puddles of oooey-gooooey love for him.
so as i said, this is a mushy post (captain obvious) and i just wanted to say some sweet things about him that we love right now, and that we are proud of, and that we absolutely go crazy for about this kid. this is my favorite time right now. i honestly wish there was a way to freeze time, even if it was just for a moment, because if i could, i would do it right now. he is so fun, so sweet, so talkative but not to a point where he knows how to talk back, so hilarious and so darn cute. want to hear how crazy i am? i have literally thought about setting up cameras all around in each room and video for all hours of the day just so i can watch them in the future and remember how darling he is right now. yep, I'm a crazy mom. but i know this time is so short and it goes by so fast. i don't want it to stop. i don't want him to keep growing. i don't want him to change. wishful thinking. so instead of being a crazy psyho mom, i will just post a few favorite and fun things about him.
this little boy...
-loves school. mondays and wednesdays cannot come fast enough for this kid. the bus is his favorite thing in the world and on the days it doesn't come, he asks for it constantly. so grateful he loves learning and isn't afraid to be without me and is learning skills i can't teach him here at home. he constantly talks about his school "fwends" (friends) and how he loves to play with them.
-has the capacity to watch the same show over and over for weeks on end. nothing but the same.dang.show. no idea how he does it, but i would go bat-crazy. whatever floats his boat.
-has been potty-trained for over a month now. he basically learned all on his own and did it in one day. no joke. one day. in one month's time he has had 2 accidents. he is day and night trained. so grateful it wasn't a painful process and that he was finally ready, and once he figured out he was, it was a cinch. so freaking proud of him i could (and have, multiple times i might add) squeeze him until he grunts for air!
-loves babies. is obsessed with babies. acts like a baby just to make me laugh. can't get enough of every baby he sees. he.loves.babies.
-is starting to love to cuddle. yeah, i can hardly handle my excitement myself. he loved to cuddle when he was a baby, but for the last couple years he wanted nothing to do with cuddling. now he is on my lap all of sacrament meeting (and i don't have to force him, he actually wants to be there) and on the couch he just climbs on my lap. it's probably the best feeling ever.
-is talking more and more every day. i think it coincides with the being potty-trained thing. in the same week as the potty-training happened and was a success, he started saying SO much more. full sentences. and they just keep coming and coming. we are so happy and excited about this. it's so fun to talk to him all the time.
-still has strawberries and yogurt every single morning for breakfast. this has been his staple breakfast since the boy could eat solids. he loves it, and i love it because it's healthy. sometimes i feel bad that's all he ever wants for breakfast so i make him pancakes and he likes them, but given a choice, he always chooses the yogurt and strawberries.
-really really really really loves superheroes. it's all he talks about, thinks about and wants to be when he grows up. i guess its fitting since he pretty much is one in his own right.
-is a sucker for candy. will do anything and everything for it.
-loves to think and say everything is beautiful. "those trees are beautiful!" he says. "those lights are just beautiful!" he exclaims. oh you should've heard him every time we drove at night around christmas time. for hours that's all he would say in the car while we drove passed houses and businesses. "those christmas lights are so beautiful!" i had soup for a heart every night when we'd get home.
-has a fetish for waiting until i least expect it, then backs up as far as he can and then darts as fast as he can, making a b-line for my legs and giving me the most ginormous hug around my thighs while almost knocking me over in the process. one of my most favorite things he has started doing.
-says the funniest phrases (like point above) and i have no idea where he hears them. maybe i say them and don't realize it and he says them a few days later? maybe he gets them from movies he watches or from school and the other kids? no idea. but we love it.
-still goes to bed early (6:30 or 7) and wakes up around 7:45 each morning. we love him for this. we know that's not the norm for most kids his age, and we constantly thank him by not changing the routine in hopes it doesn't change anytime soon.
-likes to put himself in time-out. no idea why. but when he's done something he knows he shouldn't have done, he will go put himself on the stairs and serve his full 3 minutes in silence until we come get him.
-wants me to hold him all of the time. this i don't mind at all. i soak up every time he asks, and sometimes even beg him to let me do it because i know, since he is already half my height, the time is limited i will be able to do this. i am sure we look so silly, me holding what looks like a 5-year-old while we walk through the store or a museum, but i love it way too much to care. he's my baby, and i love holding him. i'll hold him for as long as he will possibly let me.
-loves to sing songs. his favorites are "let it go" (no idea when he will actually let that one go), Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, twinkle twinkle and the eensy weensy spider.
-has a sixth sense for when i'm sad. he can be anywhere in the house doing anything and when i cry, that kid has a radar and comes running to save the day and wipe my tears and to give me a get-better cuddle and hug. this has happened multiple times. and it's not like i'm wailing or anything. he senses feelings. i love that about him.
-was a jedi in another life. every time he gets out of the bath he has to have his "jedi-cloak" or as the rest of us call it, his towel. he has to have it on his head and wrapped around him while we (he and I) hum the Star Wars theme. then he has to stand on the toilet so he can have a full-body view for himself with his jedi-cloak on and he sings the song again while he smiles and looks at himself. most entertaining part of my morning.
-and finally, this little boy is patient. he's a teacher. he's a lover, not a fighter. he's a friend. he's brave. he's so well-mannered. he's a momma's boy. he's Brett's doppleganger. he has my eyes, and he has Brett's heart. we are so blessed and constantly amazed at how much we love him and how much he makes us laugh and we are always in awe of how we really don't deserve him. we have no idea where he came from. we have a piece of heaven in our home with us, and we know it. i always say to Brett "he has set the bar SO high, almost too high, for the rest of our kids. i don't see how they will ever measure up in cuteness or personality." i know i say that only because he's all we've known, but that's how i feel. i don't see how another kid could be as cute or as good or as sweet as him (basically how every parent feels about their own kid). hopefully i am pleasantly surprised when the rest of them come along :)
we love you Dylie. we are so stinkin proud of you and all you have accomplished in all your 3 1/2 years. you have changed us and made us so much happier than we ever thought we could be.
so on those bad days, you know those ones we all go through where we feel like the worst moms in the world? i will look back on this and hopefully it will remind me that, although he may have given me H that day, deep down under all of those tantrums, fits, crying and wailing and gnashing of teeth, there is a sweet little boy who means more to me then i could ever express in words. he's there, and i need to remember that. and i need to remember that he is so patient with me, and he deserves the same. because we all have bad days, what matters is how we handle them and how we get through them.