In the darkness I hear the faintest cries from the foot of my bed. I have been expecting it, and I welcome it. I am drowsy, so much in fact that I have to make myself stretch just to make sure that I can pick him up without stumbling. I finally am lucid enough to cradle my sweet baby boy. I give him a sweet kiss as he whines and I bring him back to my bed as I snuggle him up next to me, and as he eats, I go back to dreaming.
I wake again at 6am and he is crying because his little tummy is empty. I don't move him, but I crawl around him to the other side of the bed so he can eat himself back into a sleep and I can too. We cuddle as we dream and it has been this way since the night he was born. Each night, he wakes 2 times, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Never has it annoyed me or made me frustrated. I love getting him. I love having him next to me. I love feeling him wiggle. I love nursing.
I am so thankful I have come this far with nursing. I have only been doing it just over 3 months, but that's longer than I was able to do it with Dylan, and that wasn't by choice. I nursed him for the first couple months of his life, but he was extremely thin when he was nursing. As a first time mom, I didn't know that that wasn't normal. I just thought he had Brett's god-like metabolism. But once I hit 2.5 months with Dylan, my milk ran out, even after countless sessions of pumping every two hours to get it back, and drinking root beer like crazy, and taking Fenugreek nonstop to try and get it back. It went away, and I was devastated. I had such a hard time accepting that my body wasn't doing what it was meant to do; not to mention the fact that I LOVED it so much. But, it was a blessing in disguise, because once we got him on bottles, he plumped up and actually looked like he was being fed.
So when we had Levi, I was fretting that I wouldn't be able to nurse him. I loved it so much with Dylan and was scared the same thing would happen. So since he's been born I've been drinking at least 100 oz. of water every day, eating plenty of foods that are supposed to boost your supply, and making sure to feed him on demand. It's all been wonderful and I am just so grateful we are passed 3 months and he looks super healthy (not like a skeleton like Dylan did) and that we both love it so much. I love that I get to bond with him that way. It's such a unique and amazing experience, and I love it.
I think some people look at me (and other moms who nurse) and can't imagine having their kid completely depend on them for their only food supply. I'm not going to say I wish that he didn't take bottles...I totally do, but only so I could get away for longer than 3 hours sometimes. But, he doesn't, and that's okay, because you know what? This won't last forever. It can be hard and stressful at times; I am constantly worrying if he is getting enough, and he prefers to be nursed to sleep, but it's all worth it. I am soaking it up while it does because it's one of the most rewarding and wonderful experiences I've been lucky enough to have.
So I'm a milkmaid, and I am basking in every second of it.
Now when he starts getting teeth...that could be a whole other story. I'll let you know.