I love my life. I love everything about my life. But, I need to make some serious changes or I am going to go Crazy!! Don't get me wrong, having Dylan as part of our family is SO much fun and I get to be with Brett almost all day every day and I get to stay home and take care of our baby and do whatever else I want. Who gets to say that? Not a whole lot of people. I feel extremely blessed to be able to live the life I'm living and especially thankful that I get to be at home with my new baby. It's the best job in the world! But, since I had Dylan 3 1/2 weeks ago, my daily routine took a serious hit and shifted dramatically, which you expect to happen right?. I literally went from working 40 hours a week to not working at all then to being a full-time mom. It's been a little tough to transition to being home all day and not having a whole lot of reasons to get out of the house every once in a while, and not to have a reason to get cute everyday. I know your thinking that Brett should be the reason I get up and get cute, but it's way less appealing to do that because Dylan will get his meals all over my clothes at least once during the day. It's also been hard because I haven't been able to be active because you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can exercise after you have a baby so you heal properly. And I want to get this body lookin better than it looked before I had my sweet bundle of joy. So, the wait is a killer to do that.
I came to a point last week where I literally felt like I was going nuts. I hadn't left the house in a week or so and I had most likely been wearing the same sweats the entire time (gross I know) and hadn't gotten ready and hadn't done anything for myself except go to the bathroom. I started getting really grumpy and emotional, and feeling like I had lost who I was in such a short amount of time, and it scared me. I called my mom crying my eyes out and telling her I thought I had postpartum or some sort of depression because I felt like I was going insane, and she is the one who made me realize that I was not taking time out of my day or week to do anything for me. My whole life and everything I did and focused on was now about Dylan, not me. Not that that's a bad thing, but it can be once you hit your breaking point and you start to feel like you are losing yourself. I hadn't even thought to get out and do anything for myself because I feel selfish doing that when Brett needs to focus on his class and homework, and the reason I am not working is to take care of Dylan full-time. But once I got off the phone I talked to Brett about how I was feeling, and he had no idea anything had been going on. He immediately told me to go out and get my nails done and go tanning and go shopping. He always tells me to go out whenever I want and that he wants me to do stuff for me, but I never did. Oh my! I cannot tell you how amazing that felt. I felt like a whole new woman. Seriously. It was amazing that a few hours of getting out of the house could automatically put me back into feeling like myself, and like a better wife and mom. I came home feeling regenerated and felt like I had more patience and love for both my boys than before:)
So, since then I have decided that in order to not go stir-crazy again, I need to make a routine and follow it everyday. I need to get out of the house more often, and feel okay and not guilty about it. We all need time to ourselves, and it's so hard to find that time when you have a new baby. So, I purchased a tanning pass so that will give me motivation to get out of the house, and I am going to get a pass to do Zumba 6 days a week as soon as I get the okay from the doc. I am going to at least do my hair and makeup everyday, so that I feel a little more like myself and pretty for my hard-working hubby. I am going to do something with friends at least once a week, and Brett and I are going to try and get out every day and do a picnic or go on walks or go get frozen yogurt...just do SOMETHING to get out of the house and enjoy time to ourselves in the beautiful summertime sunshine:)
Since making those goals, things have been SO much better for me. I have seen a huge difference in myself. I am so much more patient with everyone in my life, and I feel like I am accomplishing my mommy duties a lot better because I am feeling more confident in myself, and I don't feel like I have lost myself. I almost feel like I have found myself since going through this. Being a mom is what I was meant to be, I feel that with all my heart. And taking time for myself every once in a while helps me do that even better.
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