so i was hanging with one of my best girlfriends earlier today. we were chatting away for a few hours, and as girls do (well, most do i think?) we got on the subject of sex. i love talking about this subject! you all probably think i'm weird (well, those of you who know me don't, but those who don't know me probably think i'm a perv, and that's okay. i'm not, i just love sex and love to talk about it).
so anyways, we got on the subject, and we started talking about how many times we do it each week and stuff like that. not really anything too graphic, just basics. i am not a fan of disclosing too many intimate details, but some are fun to share and bond over :) she told me that they still do it 4 or 5 times a week. i was both in awe, and jealous. without going into detail, let's just say that mine and my husbands bedtime ritual has gone from wanting and doing it that many times a week, to maybe once. and it's nobody's fault except for my stupid birth control. that stuff can just kill your sex drive like you wouldn't believe. i didn't make the connection after taking it for a couple of months and realizing that i was saying no every time he asked, and i couldn't figure out why. he was still super sexy and funny, i loved him more now then i did when we got married. i think at that point Brett was probably wondering if i was turning into a lesbian or something (Ross & Carol anyone?). i felt horrible rejecting him and felt angry and sad at myself for not wanting what bonded and connected us the most. what the H was wrong with me?
then suddenly out of nowhere, it clicked. i looked up the side effects one night after yet another rejection round to him and there was my answer! i wasn't retarded, and to my relief and his i'm sure, i wasn't turning into a lesbian! it was just the stupid pills! so then and there i decided to stop the pill, and we decided to take the old fashioned route and just use those plastic things until we wanted to try for another baby (which, by the way, is in the furthest distant future you could imagine. no babies for us for a while).
so i stopped the birth control about 8 weeks ago. 4 weeks after stopping it, nada. still nothing. then, like clockwork, my drive was back in full gear and it was like we were first married for a week. then i was too tired, i didn't feel good, i had a headache, i wanted to watch a show, i wanted to relax...the list went on and on with excuses.i read this and it literally changed my perspective on sex and why i need to change my thinking. not only is it hilarious, but it's the truest thing i've ever read!
flash forward to tonight. i got home from my friends house, and found an AMAZING blog post that another friend had posted on facebook. behold, the best article you will ever read:
Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night
1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.
3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.
4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)
5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?
Where is the logic in that?
Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?
Yeah, you deserve it.
So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.
Rinse. Repeat.
*Source: http://www.meginprogress.com/five-reasons-you-should-have-sex-with-your-husband-every-day/
i love this woman and how blunt she is. she tells it just the way it is and it's exactly what i needed to hear! no longer will the night's come that excuses will be made, i will give our marriage and our relationship what it deserves, and that's intimacy, love and time. like she said in the article, everything else can wait. and it can! i don't know why it took someone else stating these simple truths to actually realize what i've been missing and what we need as a couple. so thank you to meginprogress, you are wonderful! my husband will be so thankful :)
